GENTLEMAN...
START YOUR ENGINES...
....and, their off!
When did Nike Free Run become the new Manolo Blahnik?
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I am not quit sure when it happened. It seems crazy 'wedding fever' has hit the tri-state area. Females these days are becoming obsessed with it. Today (alone) - I have spoken about Marriage for over three hours (three d*cking hours.. and I was not getting a massage or a mani/pedi, and I was not at some swanky lunch gathering....) - with four different people. Some are upset they are not engaged (after a long courtship), others are annoyed that 'uglier' 'crazier' 'psycho' 'bitches' are able to find (everlasting)love before them. Others are about to give up all hope, throw in the towel (and either become an old cat women, a lesbian, or just become a nun), and lastly others are totally disgusted with the whole thing. QUESTION: Am I the only girl in the world who thinks this whole 'rush' to get married is utterly ridiculous????
ITS A VICIOUS CYCLE: (here's how):
When girls are little (Elementary school aged) we are valued (by our peers) by our appearance and our "things." (i.e., Who has the best lunch? Whose mom slipped an extra dollar in their for a few pretzels? Who had the best clothes? Whose parents supplied the best pizza and cupcakes for the end of the year party?, and lastly, who got the best birthday party?). It's pretty simple. We evaluated our fellow students on a very crude, and monetary, dumb-ass level. BUT - in our defense... we personally have no money, no real social/occupational skills- we had no idea how the world worked - and - we were kids. (sidenote: I still have nightmares over the fact my mom never bought me an "American Girl Doll".)
When girls begin secondary school (Middle and High school) things (slowly) begin the change. No one gives a shit what your eat, where you got it, and how much you paid for it (foods, food). A lot more emphasis is placed on what you wear, how you dress, what grades you get, how far you'd go, and who you date. RATHER - who'd date you. You can have the highest inspirations in the world, you can be a great cook, and/or have a great collection of beanie babies or pogs, but in reality, it doesn't mean shit if people won't give you the time of day. And - for most girls - it's dependent on which guys were interested in you. (sidenote: hair texture has a lot to do with it... my early teen years would have be exponentially better if "Brazilian Blowout's were available.)
Eventually everyone graduates and goes off to college! At this point people split-up and you have the option to 're-invent' yourself. GOOD FOR YOU! A slut becomes a prude, and nerd becomes super popular, and the jock becomes serious about his/her education. All things are possible.... for a bit. Eventually you start to play the "social ladder" game and see where you are placed. (It's like High School all over again... just with a lot more booze, sex, parties, homework, responsibility, and FREEDOM). It's amazing. BUT - once again.... it can be a struggle.
OK - so College doesn't last forever, and you're getting older. You get a job. A real J-O-B. You're an adult: you pay bills, work a 9-5, and have daily stress. You're becoming an adult (LUCKY YOU!). And besides becoming an adult - people start to look at you with that twinkle in their eyes. Ladies, Gentleman, it's time to pick a mate, fall in love, and procreate!
Like any other thing in life, LOVE comes more easier to some than others. Some will meet "the one" in High School, others will in College, some will meet their "soul-mate" at a job, or at a party, or on a dating website, and others, as hard as they try, don't seem to be able to find it at all. It is a pretty crazy concept, and there are no real rules. You look, and look, until you find "the one" or until you throw in the hat and buy a rabbit?
AND NOW - FOR SOME CRAZY REASON - EVERYONE'S BEEN BIT BY THE MARRIAGE BUG! Stupid Little F*cker. Not only is he aggressive, but he's a contagious little Mother F*cker. And, because this disease is running ramped -- everyone seems to have 'blurry vision'... and maybe some even have their judgements clouded...
At the end of the day:
Marriage isn't about a race down the aisle...
.... it's about whose the happiest, and who stays together the longest.
(It's all about quality.)
That being said, I think people (including: MOTHERS, :::cough cough:::) need to realize that marriage in now way reflects that you (or your offspring) don't leads a happy life. It in no way reflects your/their self-worth, or their/your ability to do their job correctly, or influenced people's lives. MAYBE all it means is that someone hasn't found their special one, or that they aren't ready to settle. (OR - that they come from a really, really dysfunctional family and they don't want to end up miserable like their own parents!!!).
LET'S FACE IT: MARRIAGE STATISTICS ARE NOT IN OUR FAVOR. Something like 50% of all marriages end in divorces. Now - a few of those people who got divorced probably knew it wasn't going to work.. (let's say 10%) but those other 40% really thought they found the one. They were head-over-heels, ball-out-of-the-park, someone-call-the-priest LOVE, and it still didn't work out. With statistics like these why would you rush into something just because it was the 'expected thing to do?' Maybe people need to re-evaluate what they value, and what they are looking for?
SHOCKER: I told two girlfriends today that I am not sure if I ever want to get married. (GASP!). I am worried that as the economy continues to fall, some very unhappy people will choose to stay together because it's too expensive to get divorced; people don't want to split their assesses, and don't want to pay the alimony. Sometimes it's just too hard to split, and people settle to stay unhappy.
RATHER - I am beginning to see another side of things. Maybe people shouldn't get married, but find the one, stay with them, (even common-law marry them), have amazing kids, and spend their lives together. (Sounds the same right?...well not so much!). This way it easy to know for certain that the person you are with is with you for the right reasons. They have the option to get-up and leave at any moment, but, because they love you, and your family, they want to be with you. (CRAZY.. I know.... I have always been a radical).
Here are some statistics:
(Get the 'Tom and Jerry's", godiva, and tissues ready!)
So, let’s begin with a table of age at marriage for those who want it to end:
| Age | Women | Men |
|---|---|---|
| Under 20 years old | 27.6% | 11.7% |
| 20 to 24 years old | 36.6% | 38.8% |
| 25 to 29 years old | 16.4% | 22.3% |
| 30 to 34 years old | 8.5% | 11.6% |
| 35 to 39 years old | 5.1% | 6.5% |
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I am no statistician - but, I am pretty confident this data suggests: they younger you are (twenties and above), the more likely you are to want a divorce. You decide why...
Interesting statistics on marriage and divorce in the United States of America:
- There were approximately 2,230,000 marriages in 2005 which was bit less as compared to the figure of 2,279,000 in 2004. During 2004 and 2005, there was an increase of 2.9 million in total population.
- The marriage breakup rate in 2005 (per 1,000 people) was 3.6 which was the lowest rate since 1970.
- The highest rate was at 5.3 in the year 1981.
- The marriage rate in 2005 (per 1,000) was 7.5 which was 7.8 in the previous year.
- In 2004, the state with the highest reported marriage breakup rate was Nevada. The rate in Nevada was 6.4 (per 1,000).
In 2004, the District of Columbia was the state with lowest reported rate, at 1.7. - As of 2003, 43.7% of custodial mothers and 56.2% of custodial fathers were either separated or divorced.
- In 2002, 7.8 million Americans paid about $40 billion in child and/or spousal support.
- In 2002, the percentage of married people who reach their 5th, 10th, and 15th anniversaries are 82%, 65% and 52% respectively.
- Percentage of married people who reach their 25th, 35th, and 50th anniversaries are 33%, 20% and 5% respectively.
- Average length of divorce proceedings in America is one year.
*All this information was obtained from: http://www.divorcestatistics.info/divorce-statistics-and-divorce-rate-in-the-usa.html
Point Being: Be careful. Don't rush into anything. Don't just follow the 'trend'... and do whats best for you.
At the end of the day:
Marriage isn't about a race down the aisle...
.... it's about whose the happiest, and who stays together the longest.
(It's all about quality.)
Xo.
DSB
P.S. -- Look for my interview of a 'frequent flyer' of the online dating scene!
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