Let me start off by saying that I am not a dating expert.
I went to undergraduate, and graduate school for psychology - I also completed a full 1200 hour School Psychology internship; so I know a-little-bit about social interactions, and social expectations.... BUT -- I am not a dating expert!
All my thoughts, opinions, and suggestions written here are just based on my opinions.
Enjoy!
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Recently, (within the past six-weeks) one of my friends text me on her way home from a date. It was obvious at this point that there were sparks between her and this guy. She seemed super tired, but she was giddy with delight! Here was a nice guy, good looking, has a great job, and is getting ready to settle down (What more can a lady ask for?!?)
As her and I chatted (hours later) we (really I) ate frozen yogurt, and talked about her new beau. Everything between her and him was PERFECT...except she had no idea what he was "looking for" and his full intentions. This got me thinking.... What is the proper dating etiquette? What should be discussed, at what point is a discussion appropriate, and do you even need to disclose your (dating) past (if you are worried it may impact your future?)
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STATUS FLASHBACK: During last labor day weekend, while at the beach with a few friends, and "friends-friends," I overheard this crazy (between two guys) discussion about how girls should wear a bracelet while out at a bar;disclosing if they are interested in just making out, having sex, or just nothing at all. Obviously these bracelets would be color coated (and I assume available in a multi-pack). This way, no guy would waste their time. I originally thought this was an insane idea... but the more I thought about I had flashbacks to college. While in a sorority at NYU, we had a lot of mixers. I remember this one party, where you had three options - everyone would need to wear a red, yellow, or green shirt. If you were single (and ready to mingle) you were green. If you were unsure (either kinda-seeing someone, or just not totally interested in the mingle) you were yellow. If you were in a relationship, or anti-social, you were red.) Obviously, somehow, this is very acceptable (when all parties agree).
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So... you're thinking.. 'where am I going with this?' Here it is:
What is proper dating etiquette?
Back to my friend.... she really likes him, she is confident that he really likes her.. BUT she has no idea where to take it from here. When should she text him?, when should he text her?, when should they seeing each other again? When does she ask him about his ex's and how many people he has slept with? when does she sleep with him herself? When does she ask about their 'relationship's status'... it was unclear to her, and clearly unclear to most (myself included) how this whole thing works.
Here's a few of my ideas on Dating Etiquette:
Texting is a really great way to get to know someone. Between texting and facebook you could learn almost all superficial information about another person. (by 'superficial' I mean - just 'at the surface' information). The frequency of text messaging has no rule, and should be as much or as little as both people are comfortable with. Things (conflicts?) like work schedule or school should also be taken into account -- some people have their phone on them at all times, and have it on ring, while others keep their cell in a jacket, a purse, or on the desk most of the day, on silent or vibrate. It is unfair to assume someone 'likes you' or 'doesn't like you' based on their ability to answer text messages quickly. It's about the quality, not the quantity! If the date went well, contact should be made (to either party) within 72 hours.
After a date, two, or three, you both should be talking on the phone. Even if it's for three minuets while hes at work, just so he can ask you which restaurant you'd like to get pizza at for dinner.; it is very important to 'talk 'vocally. It is a BIG RED FLAG if a guy you are "talking to," "seeing," or "dating" won't speak to you on the phone. Similarly, it is another BIG RED FLAG if you are texting back and forth, and you call them (it would be easier just to talk than text) and he/she doesn't answer the call, but texts you back. NOT OK!!! OBVIOUSLY - this rule does not apply when someone is with close family, at a special party, or at work. I am talking about on a random Saturday afternoon. Hearing someone's voice not only allows you to hear the tone, pitch, and articulation of the other person's voice, it also is a lot more intimate. (( If you like me, call me!))
The frequency of dates can be very variable; again based on individual preference. Be Aware: if you just met someone, and you begin to see them four days a week, the relationship will be progressing at a much quicker pace. (Which again, is based on preference). Some people meet -- BOOM-- SMACK -- they see each other all the time, meet each others family within weeks, move-in together within months, and get married with-in two years. However, some people meet -- and casually date -- and casually date -- and casually date -- until months have passed at they either move to the next level, or move on. REMEMBER: more often than not; frequency increases intensity, make sure you "don't bit off more than you can chew."
ARE YOU OFF THE MARKET?: When you are dating someone sometimes you're never quite sure if you should still be seeing other people or not, or -- whether the other person is seeing other people. This is an important discussion before you take it to the next level (whatever that is). ((This will also be mentioned in the below sections!))
SEX. You and your friends spend hours talking about it throughout High School (at least me and my friends did!); once upon a time it was a big deal to everyone. Overtime the rules of sex have changed. For some, they can have meaningless one-night-stands, and they are as happy as a clam. For others, it is a very special, intimate thing, that can be very sacred. GENERALLY SPEAKING: if you're interesting in dating a person, you shouldn't sleep with them on the first date. I recommend: the both of you go on a date. It doesn't have to be anything special, Starbucks are on every corner, and they have a lot of beverage options. Although I don't recommend making a sex- rule: (i.e., after the sixth date I will sleep with him), I think it should be based on the quality of your interactions, and when you feel comfortable. Generally speaking, after five-or-six-or-seven dates most people feel comfortable enough for the horizontal mambo. (Similarly: If your having sex, I think you should have introduced him/her to some of your friends, and that you have mentioned them to your family).
*NOTE: There is no "golden rule" about one-night-stands. I do know a few couples that met, had a one-nightter, and then hung out - and eventually became a couple. YOU NEVER KNOW!!!
Your Number: If you are having only one night stand this is not a necessary discussion. After a few dates )with the same person) numbers should be discussed. Not for judging purposes; this not only will make you feel more comfortable with the other person, but gives you an idea how they view sex. Rumor has it that guys inflate, girls deflate. This may or may not be true. It is probably very situational. Similarly along these lines -- it is very important to make sure the other person is clean. Or - if they aren't, they should tell you they've got sometime (Herpes is the gift that keeps on giving!). Asking someone if they have gotten a recent STD check may seem silly, but there is nothing silly about genital warts or gonorrhea! If you think people don't do this, I will tell you, I have asked every guy I ever seriously dated if they have had an STD check recently, and if they have slept with somebody since (even if it was with a condom). It may sound very 1980's but -- SAFE SEX IS GREAT SEX. If they won't go for a "check-up" or won't disclose their status, chances are this is not the person for you.
The Exclusive Non-Committed: In the age of "booty calls" it is important to know if you are having sex together, what your status is. It can be agreed upon that it's just for fun. Most of the time people are looking for something more. The Exclusive Non-Committed (ENC) is a very interesting type of sexual relationship that has recently emerged. ENC means you are exclusively (only) having sex with each other (consistently), but you are not their boyfriend/girlfriend. This might be for a number of reasons (i.e., not enough time to devote to the other person or inability to fully commit...etc.). The ENC can be a lovely thing, but be aware that for most people, it is hard not getting feelings for someone you are being so intimate with. BEWARE!
Relationship Status while dating this is something very important. I don't mean to be "official" on facebook, I mean to create a bond - and continue to flourish it. Although it might not be normal to ask some guy you never slept with if he's your boyfriend, it is OK (and important,) to ask them what are they looking for (?). Of course they can lie, and tell you they want a relationship when they just want someone to f*ck, but I hope most people will be honest about it -- to prevent hurting people's feelings. I think asking "what are you looking for" is a good question before you have sex. BUT - that's up to you, and the individual situation!
EXAMPLE: You wouldn't jump into a pool full of black murky water... you'd ask what is in it (?). -- walk around, inspect it, maybe bend down, see what it feels like - maybe even smell it -- you'd be cautious. You should be just as cautious with you heart.
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LASTLY: Here are TEN rules to follow while on a FIRST (or maybe second or third) date:
1. Always keep your hygiene up-to-par!: Shower that day. Wash your hair. Brush your teeth. Wear deodorant. Look your best!
2. Tell (at least) two friends where you're going, and the name of the person you are with!: Safety is always very important.
3. Don't drink too much!: No one enjoys being around a drunk person, especially one you just met. Set a two drink minimum, and never drink on an empty stomach. MEN: Don't keep ordering drinks for the lady, if she'd like one, she'll order it. LADIES: don't try to go 'drink-to-drink' with a guy you hardly know. Drinking isn't meant to make you loosen-up on a date. It's best to have a clear mind during these situations.
4. Have good eye contact & smile: If you are interested in the person you are with, look him or her in the eyes while they/you are talking. (WINK! WINK!) Not only is it socially appropriate, most people can read how the dates going by facial expressions. Smiling shows that you are interested in the other person, and what they have to say.
5. Minimize the use of your cell phone: Maybe you forgot a watch so you need to check the time, OK. got it. More than that, it is very inappropriate to keep checking your cell. If you are expecting an important call tell your date. If this is not the case, do not answer your cell (If you are worried about emergencies -answer if the person calls back again (in a short period of time)... no one with an emergency only calls once). Being on your cell phone is very rude, and can turn off the other person very quickly.
6. Do not ask about income, political affiliations, or other sensitive subjects: if you hit it off you'll get to learn those anyway.
7. Ask "open-ended" questions: Don't ask any serious questions... ask general "open-ended" questions like: "what do you do on the weekends?" "where did you grow up?" "what is your favorite food?"... these are great "ice-breaking" questions.
8. Be OK with silence: Silence is an important part of communication. Allow a short pause between you; don't just speak to hear your own voice.
9. Don't be late: It is best to pace yourself to arrive at your date location five-ten minuets before the meeting time. NO ONE LIKES SOMEONE WHOSE LATE.
10. Be Yourself: always project who you really are. No one enjoys an imitation. (Besides: the real "you" will come out eventually).
Hopefully you got something out of this.
Remember: You Live, You Learn.
Xo.
DSB
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
PLEASE MAKE A LEGAL U-TURN! (Help! The Romance GPS is sending me the wrong way!)
I am not sure when it happened (?)
It was most probably before I was born (just because I don't actually remember it being significantly different).
When did it become socially appropriate (almost expected) for guys to be major assholes; immature, childish, immoral, manipulative, and still be respected?
Blame it on whomever you want: Carrie Bradsaw, Nicholas Sparks, Prince William, Walt Disney, Candace Bushnell, Stephanie Meyer, Christian Grey, Sylvia Day, Mikael Blomkvist (my personal favorite), Ice-T, "The Hunger Games", John F. Kennedy, or your Grandmother -- whomever; They are all f*cking liars. These authors, writers, or celebrities give you these false sense of hope. They allow you to daydream that (maybe,) eventually, (after countless attempts,) you might meet a guy (a bad-ass, super-hot, sexy-dude), there will be sparks. As the two of you continue to spend time together he realizes he *loves you*. HE CHANGES. He gives up all his asshole attributes, he shows his emotions, he'll cancel on his friends for you, he doesn't see other girls, he'll run to walgreens to buy you tampons, and picks up your birth control pills, he treats you like a queen, and he surprises you with things. YOU'RE THE ONE. He is no longer that asshole/jerk he used to be. YOU WILL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
Yeah, well, nice dreaming kiddies!
(See below for the actual endings to some fictional characters)
It is never the easy.
Reflection: I have been reading a lot of books about Marilyn Monroe. She was beautiful, talented, sexy, and intelligent. She was very interested in, (and opinionated about) politics, and was worshiped by millions. Given all her talents you would think everything would have worked out for her. She would have had a successful movie career, earn a lot of her own money, get married, had kids, and eventually become a humanitarian. Lived out her life in Hollywood, and would die at the age of 90, surrounded by a ton of loving family, and buried in a mink coat, high heels, red lipstick, and covered in jewels.
SADLY, THIS WAS NOT THE CASE.
Norma Jean (aka - Marilyn Monroe) struggled with self-esteem issues, unhappy with her nose (which she supposedly had "fixed"), her body, and her talent; she slowly became someone she was not. She was married three times, all of them failed. She had countless affairs with extremely powerful men (hello there, Mr. President!), and they all used her, and tossed her to the curb. She suffered with a few miscarriages, and it is even believed she was forced to have an abortion (how could she possibly have the Attorney General's bastard fetus?). She died a sad, and tragic death; a declared "accidental suicide" from an overdose of pills for anxiety and depression. STORY SHORT: She never got her happy ending.
My Point Here:
We, as women, (myself absolutely included), accept a man's inability to grow up, inability to commit, manipulative behavior (s), because we believe that is what we are supposed to do - in the beginning - until they realize how special we are; in the hope that they will change into Mr. Prince Charming on their own.
Ladies, we are doing this all wrong.
If we don't put up with their shit in the beginning,
we won't have to worry about it ending.
It will never be a problem to start with.
If we are honest about this in the beginning, no one will end up getting hurt.
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OK - Now - Possible "True-Life" Endings (to humor me):
Carrie Bradshaw - "Sex and The City": In real life - Carrie would have never ended up with Big. She would have "settled" for someone else - and would occasionally have extra-marital affairs with Big, until, eventually he died a tragic death: in bed, screwing Carrie. He'd die of some kind of heart condition -- exasperated by his frequent and obsessive use of Viagra.
"The Hunger Games" - Peeta would have killed Katniss during the games, went home, became a hero, and eventually banged out her sister Prin.
"The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo": Blomkvist would have manipulated Lisbeth into marrying him, and made her pop out a few of his babies. She already knew too much to let her go, and, he could really use her hacking skills.
OK - Now - Here's a little bit of Irony:
Although this is not the "norm" for most Disney films, I gotta give props to Belle; from "Beauty and The Beast."
She was a pretty smart girl......
She was forced to live with a ugly, fat, hairy dude (let me tell you, I would DIE!.. YUCK...hair...).
She looked around, realized he lived in a palace.
She had no-one to compete with. (Who was her competition.. Miss Potts???)
Somehow with her wit, and charm, she made he realize she was pretty cool, and made him open
up.
In the end - she ended up with a studly prince, and lived out the rest of her life in a castle.
She should be a heroine to us all!
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Ladies...
Never settle.
Sometimes you need to forget how you feel....
And remember what you deserve.
Xo.
DSB
Thursday, August 9, 2012
WHAT'S IN A NAME? (Ridiculous Names - Olympics 2012)
Olympians..
They are althletic Gods, but sadly, their parents set them up for humiliation all through elementary school! You can't have your cake and eat it too. (I guess?) (Good thing they excel in Sports (and make a lot of money).. because God knows they could never become a teacher/doctor/politician...)
1. Destinee Hooker - USA - Women's Volleyball
(Her mother wanted her to play Volleyball, that, or become an exotic dancer)
2. Yoshie Takesshita - Japan - Women's Volleyball
(With a name like that, I am sure she suffers from IBS all the time)
3. Karen Cockburn - Canada - Trampoline
(She must be stellar in the bedroom)
4. Lian Tancock - Great Britain - Swimming
(I guess after some Cockburn, you pray for a Tancock?)
5. Sven Knipphals - Germany - Athletics
(A nipple for everyday of the week!)
6. Yoo Suk Kim - Korea - Athletics
(But who swallows?)
7. Macarena Aguilar Diaz - Spain - Handball
(HEYYYY... Macarena!)
8. Ali Hasen Mahboob - Kenya - Athletics
(Someone should get their boob back!)
9. German Sanchez Sanchez
(You know, the northern European cousin of Dirty Sanchez!)
10. Brent Newdick - New Zealand - Athletics
(Brent, what happened to your old dick?)
11. Dong Dong - China - Trampoline
(no explanation needed)
12. Ivona Dadic - Austrian - Heptathlete
(You want a whatta?)
13. Sparkle McKnight - Trinidad - Track and Field
(Twinkle Twinkle...)
14. Gavin Smellie - Canada - Track
(Someone please get this guy some deodorant!)
15. Misty May - USA - Vollyball
(With a name like that she could be a very successful exotic dancer)
16. Juilo Alsogaray - Argentina- Sailing
(Talk about an identity crisis!)
17. Werner Muff - Sweden - Equestrian
(if you know me at all you know why I find this hilarious!)
Enjoy the Olympics!
Xo.
DSB
They are althletic Gods, but sadly, their parents set them up for humiliation all through elementary school! You can't have your cake and eat it too. (I guess?) (Good thing they excel in Sports (and make a lot of money).. because God knows they could never become a teacher/doctor/politician...)
1. Destinee Hooker - USA - Women's Volleyball
(Her mother wanted her to play Volleyball, that, or become an exotic dancer)
2. Yoshie Takesshita - Japan - Women's Volleyball
(With a name like that, I am sure she suffers from IBS all the time)
3. Karen Cockburn - Canada - Trampoline
(She must be stellar in the bedroom)
4. Lian Tancock - Great Britain - Swimming
(I guess after some Cockburn, you pray for a Tancock?)
5. Sven Knipphals - Germany - Athletics
(A nipple for everyday of the week!)
6. Yoo Suk Kim - Korea - Athletics
(But who swallows?)
7. Macarena Aguilar Diaz - Spain - Handball
(HEYYYY... Macarena!)
8. Ali Hasen Mahboob - Kenya - Athletics
(Someone should get their boob back!)
9. German Sanchez Sanchez
(You know, the northern European cousin of Dirty Sanchez!)
10. Brent Newdick - New Zealand - Athletics
(Brent, what happened to your old dick?)
11. Dong Dong - China - Trampoline
(no explanation needed)
12. Ivona Dadic - Austrian - Heptathlete
(You want a whatta?)
13. Sparkle McKnight - Trinidad - Track and Field
(Twinkle Twinkle...)
14. Gavin Smellie - Canada - Track
(Someone please get this guy some deodorant!)
15. Misty May - USA - Vollyball
(With a name like that she could be a very successful exotic dancer)
16. Juilo Alsogaray - Argentina- Sailing
(Talk about an identity crisis!)
17. Werner Muff - Sweden - Equestrian
(if you know me at all you know why I find this hilarious!)
Enjoy the Olympics!
Xo.
DSB
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
WHATS THE DEAL WITH: Bitches (and Assholes) who find the need to post pictures of themselves.. all day, everyday?
We all know one (or two, three, four...etc...)....
They are all over facebook...
And they are always frequent offenders.
QUESTION: Why do these people feel the need to continually post photos of themselves?
Now, I am clearly showing my addiction to Facebook, but, every freaking morning when I go on and review my news feed, I get bombarded...POW... tons of 'self-taken' head shots. Mostly taken with their own iphone camera's, they all are similar; my favorite being: the mirror image reflection picture (where in most cases you can actually see them holding their phones). The other frequent poses are: the serious side angle shot, and what I assume to be the "I am sitting at a red light and I felt the urge to show you how I look" pose. Most of these offenders are female, although, alarmingly, it's starting to spread to the hetero-sexual male population... and it's f*cking scary. ( I am going to be honest - I have posted pictures of myself - a few from a professional photographer, and some to show a new hair color, and I do cut people out of my default (main) photo.. but I promise you, generally speaking (90% of the time) I do not post pictures just of myself.. because, it's f*cking weird).
Most of the people who take their own photos are actually attractive people. They are pretty or handsome, are in good shape, and have (what I believe to be?) good social skills. MEANING: they could go out to a bar, and get hit on. So I ask: Is it all for attention? Do you have low self-esteem and feel the need to feel better about yourself by seeing how many people 'like' you photos? Are you worried people have forgotten what you look like? (I am sure in the past 12 hours you haven't changed that much...) Do you need to be the center of attention? Or maybe you are narcissistic? Either way, do us all a favor, and get over yourself.
A basic internet search of this topic highlights a lot of message boards with threads and comments about this issue. My favorite thread is linked here.. so you can enjoy (and agree) --> Why do pretty girls post so many pictures..Yahoo.com. The general consensus tends to be that these people are: shallow, insecure, narcissistic, have big egos, like the attention, are bored and unoccupied, or my favorite: "They are sexy, and they know it". To those who post: maybe you shouldn't post so much, that way, when someone sees you in person they could give you an honest compliment (?) ( Trust me: I am not going up to some bitch who posts ten photos of herself everyday and tell her that she/he look "great" or "pretty" !. This is because I refuse to inflate their head more, and because most of these people use Hipstamatic application for their photos - which - actually - make them look more attractive than they really are! (bitch, I know for a fact your skin has pimples and you have an uneven skin tone, you're not fooling anyone!))
I propose a solution to this craziness: No matter how nice the picture is, no matter how beautiful/ handsome they look, and no matter how many other people are 'liking' or commenting on it -- JUST DON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT - don't 'like it', don't comment. Overtime, I am sure, if everyone stops the clicks, and comments, (or even if most people stop this ridiculous behavior) these people will take the hint and stop crowding news feeds with photos of themselves. (So they can save the space for the wedding, baby, puppy, and pointless other photos that bring joy and laughter to everyone's day.)
I hope one of my followers (my stats tab tells me there are quit a few of you who frequently follow!...thanks!) are one of these "self-obsessed"photo people. I would love to hear your side of the story.. and why you feel the need to post pictures of yourself all the time. Maybe my assumptions are wrong? (every-once-in-a-while I will actually admit I am
Xo.
DSB
HAHAHAHA... Sorry, I just had to! ;)
Sunday, August 5, 2012
When did Nike become the new Manolo Blahnik? (the race down the aisle...)
LADIES...
GENTLEMAN...
START YOUR ENGINES...
....and, their off!
When did Nike Free Run become the new Manolo Blahnik?
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I am not quit sure when it happened. It seems crazy 'wedding fever' has hit the tri-state area. Females these days are becoming obsessed with it. Today (alone) - I have spoken about Marriage for over three hours (three d*cking hours.. and I was not getting a massage or a mani/pedi, and I was not at some swanky lunch gathering....) - with four different people. Some are upset they are not engaged (after a long courtship), others are annoyed that 'uglier' 'crazier' 'psycho' 'bitches' are able to find (everlasting)love before them. Others are about to give up all hope, throw in the towel (and either become an old cat women, a lesbian, or just become a nun), and lastly others are totally disgusted with the whole thing. QUESTION: Am I the only girl in the world who thinks this whole 'rush' to get married is utterly ridiculous????
ITS A VICIOUS CYCLE: (here's how):
When girls are little (Elementary school aged) we are valued (by our peers) by our appearance and our "things." (i.e., Who has the best lunch? Whose mom slipped an extra dollar in their for a few pretzels? Who had the best clothes? Whose parents supplied the best pizza and cupcakes for the end of the year party?, and lastly, who got the best birthday party?). It's pretty simple. We evaluated our fellow students on a very crude, and monetary, dumb-ass level. BUT - in our defense... we personally have no money, no real social/occupational skills- we had no idea how the world worked - and - we were kids. (sidenote: I still have nightmares over the fact my mom never bought me an "American Girl Doll".)
When girls begin secondary school (Middle and High school) things (slowly) begin the change. No one gives a shit what your eat, where you got it, and how much you paid for it (foods, food). A lot more emphasis is placed on what you wear, how you dress, what grades you get, how far you'd go, and who you date. RATHER - who'd date you. You can have the highest inspirations in the world, you can be a great cook, and/or have a great collection of beanie babies or pogs, but in reality, it doesn't mean shit if people won't give you the time of day. And - for most girls - it's dependent on which guys were interested in you. (sidenote: hair texture has a lot to do with it... my early teen years would have be exponentially better if "Brazilian Blowout's were available.)
Eventually everyone graduates and goes off to college! At this point people split-up and you have the option to 're-invent' yourself. GOOD FOR YOU! A slut becomes a prude, and nerd becomes super popular, and the jock becomes serious about his/her education. All things are possible.... for a bit. Eventually you start to play the "social ladder" game and see where you are placed. (It's like High School all over again... just with a lot more booze, sex, parties, homework, responsibility, and FREEDOM). It's amazing. BUT - once again.... it can be a struggle.
OK - so College doesn't last forever, and you're getting older. You get a job. A real J-O-B. You're an adult: you pay bills, work a 9-5, and have daily stress. You're becoming an adult (LUCKY YOU!). And besides becoming an adult - people start to look at you with that twinkle in their eyes. Ladies, Gentleman, it's time to pick a mate, fall in love, and procreate!
Like any other thing in life, LOVE comes more easier to some than others. Some will meet "the one" in High School, others will in College, some will meet their "soul-mate" at a job, or at a party, or on a dating website, and others, as hard as they try, don't seem to be able to find it at all. It is a pretty crazy concept, and there are no real rules. You look, and look, until you find "the one" or until you throw in the hat and buy a rabbit?
AND NOW - FOR SOME CRAZY REASON - EVERYONE'S BEEN BIT BY THE MARRIAGE BUG! Stupid Little F*cker. Not only is he aggressive, but he's a contagious little Mother F*cker. And, because this disease is running ramped -- everyone seems to have 'blurry vision'... and maybe some even have their judgements clouded...
At the end of the day:
Marriage isn't about a race down the aisle...
.... it's about whose the happiest, and who stays together the longest.
(It's all about quality.)
That being said, I think people (including: MOTHERS, :::cough cough:::) need to realize that marriage in now way reflects that you (or your offspring) don't leads a happy life. It in no way reflects your/their self-worth, or their/your ability to do their job correctly, or influenced people's lives. MAYBE all it means is that someone hasn't found their special one, or that they aren't ready to settle. (OR - that they come from a really, really dysfunctional family and they don't want to end up miserable like their own parents!!!).
LET'S FACE IT: MARRIAGE STATISTICS ARE NOT IN OUR FAVOR. Something like 50% of all marriages end in divorces. Now - a few of those people who got divorced probably knew it wasn't going to work.. (let's say 10%) but those other 40% really thought they found the one. They were head-over-heels, ball-out-of-the-park, someone-call-the-priest LOVE, and it still didn't work out. With statistics like these why would you rush into something just because it was the 'expected thing to do?' Maybe people need to re-evaluate what they value, and what they are looking for?
SHOCKER: I told two girlfriends today that I am not sure if I ever want to get married. (GASP!). I am worried that as the economy continues to fall, some very unhappy people will choose to stay together because it's too expensive to get divorced; people don't want to split their assesses, and don't want to pay the alimony. Sometimes it's just too hard to split, and people settle to stay unhappy.
RATHER - I am beginning to see another side of things. Maybe people shouldn't get married, but find the one, stay with them, (even common-law marry them), have amazing kids, and spend their lives together. (Sounds the same right?...well not so much!). This way it easy to know for certain that the person you are with is with you for the right reasons. They have the option to get-up and leave at any moment, but, because they love you, and your family, they want to be with you. (CRAZY.. I know.... I have always been a radical).
Here are some statistics:
(Get the 'Tom and Jerry's", godiva, and tissues ready!)
Point Being: Be careful. Don't rush into anything. Don't just follow the 'trend'... and do whats best for you.
At the end of the day:
Marriage isn't about a race down the aisle...
.... it's about whose the happiest, and who stays together the longest.
(It's all about quality.)
Xo.
DSB
P.S. -- Look for my interview of a 'frequent flyer' of the online dating scene!
GENTLEMAN...
START YOUR ENGINES...
....and, their off!
When did Nike Free Run become the new Manolo Blahnik?
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I am not quit sure when it happened. It seems crazy 'wedding fever' has hit the tri-state area. Females these days are becoming obsessed with it. Today (alone) - I have spoken about Marriage for over three hours (three d*cking hours.. and I was not getting a massage or a mani/pedi, and I was not at some swanky lunch gathering....) - with four different people. Some are upset they are not engaged (after a long courtship), others are annoyed that 'uglier' 'crazier' 'psycho' 'bitches' are able to find (everlasting)love before them. Others are about to give up all hope, throw in the towel (and either become an old cat women, a lesbian, or just become a nun), and lastly others are totally disgusted with the whole thing. QUESTION: Am I the only girl in the world who thinks this whole 'rush' to get married is utterly ridiculous????
ITS A VICIOUS CYCLE: (here's how):
When girls are little (Elementary school aged) we are valued (by our peers) by our appearance and our "things." (i.e., Who has the best lunch? Whose mom slipped an extra dollar in their for a few pretzels? Who had the best clothes? Whose parents supplied the best pizza and cupcakes for the end of the year party?, and lastly, who got the best birthday party?). It's pretty simple. We evaluated our fellow students on a very crude, and monetary, dumb-ass level. BUT - in our defense... we personally have no money, no real social/occupational skills- we had no idea how the world worked - and - we were kids. (sidenote: I still have nightmares over the fact my mom never bought me an "American Girl Doll".)
When girls begin secondary school (Middle and High school) things (slowly) begin the change. No one gives a shit what your eat, where you got it, and how much you paid for it (foods, food). A lot more emphasis is placed on what you wear, how you dress, what grades you get, how far you'd go, and who you date. RATHER - who'd date you. You can have the highest inspirations in the world, you can be a great cook, and/or have a great collection of beanie babies or pogs, but in reality, it doesn't mean shit if people won't give you the time of day. And - for most girls - it's dependent on which guys were interested in you. (sidenote: hair texture has a lot to do with it... my early teen years would have be exponentially better if "Brazilian Blowout's were available.)
Eventually everyone graduates and goes off to college! At this point people split-up and you have the option to 're-invent' yourself. GOOD FOR YOU! A slut becomes a prude, and nerd becomes super popular, and the jock becomes serious about his/her education. All things are possible.... for a bit. Eventually you start to play the "social ladder" game and see where you are placed. (It's like High School all over again... just with a lot more booze, sex, parties, homework, responsibility, and FREEDOM). It's amazing. BUT - once again.... it can be a struggle.
OK - so College doesn't last forever, and you're getting older. You get a job. A real J-O-B. You're an adult: you pay bills, work a 9-5, and have daily stress. You're becoming an adult (LUCKY YOU!). And besides becoming an adult - people start to look at you with that twinkle in their eyes. Ladies, Gentleman, it's time to pick a mate, fall in love, and procreate!
Like any other thing in life, LOVE comes more easier to some than others. Some will meet "the one" in High School, others will in College, some will meet their "soul-mate" at a job, or at a party, or on a dating website, and others, as hard as they try, don't seem to be able to find it at all. It is a pretty crazy concept, and there are no real rules. You look, and look, until you find "the one" or until you throw in the hat and buy a rabbit?
AND NOW - FOR SOME CRAZY REASON - EVERYONE'S BEEN BIT BY THE MARRIAGE BUG! Stupid Little F*cker. Not only is he aggressive, but he's a contagious little Mother F*cker. And, because this disease is running ramped -- everyone seems to have 'blurry vision'... and maybe some even have their judgements clouded...
At the end of the day:
Marriage isn't about a race down the aisle...
.... it's about whose the happiest, and who stays together the longest.
(It's all about quality.)
That being said, I think people (including: MOTHERS, :::cough cough:::) need to realize that marriage in now way reflects that you (or your offspring) don't leads a happy life. It in no way reflects your/their self-worth, or their/your ability to do their job correctly, or influenced people's lives. MAYBE all it means is that someone hasn't found their special one, or that they aren't ready to settle. (OR - that they come from a really, really dysfunctional family and they don't want to end up miserable like their own parents!!!).
LET'S FACE IT: MARRIAGE STATISTICS ARE NOT IN OUR FAVOR. Something like 50% of all marriages end in divorces. Now - a few of those people who got divorced probably knew it wasn't going to work.. (let's say 10%) but those other 40% really thought they found the one. They were head-over-heels, ball-out-of-the-park, someone-call-the-priest LOVE, and it still didn't work out. With statistics like these why would you rush into something just because it was the 'expected thing to do?' Maybe people need to re-evaluate what they value, and what they are looking for?
SHOCKER: I told two girlfriends today that I am not sure if I ever want to get married. (GASP!). I am worried that as the economy continues to fall, some very unhappy people will choose to stay together because it's too expensive to get divorced; people don't want to split their assesses, and don't want to pay the alimony. Sometimes it's just too hard to split, and people settle to stay unhappy.
RATHER - I am beginning to see another side of things. Maybe people shouldn't get married, but find the one, stay with them, (even common-law marry them), have amazing kids, and spend their lives together. (Sounds the same right?...well not so much!). This way it easy to know for certain that the person you are with is with you for the right reasons. They have the option to get-up and leave at any moment, but, because they love you, and your family, they want to be with you. (CRAZY.. I know.... I have always been a radical).
Here are some statistics:
(Get the 'Tom and Jerry's", godiva, and tissues ready!)
So, let’s begin with a table of age at marriage for those who want it to end:
| Age | Women | Men |
|---|---|---|
| Under 20 years old | 27.6% | 11.7% |
| 20 to 24 years old | 36.6% | 38.8% |
| 25 to 29 years old | 16.4% | 22.3% |
| 30 to 34 years old | 8.5% | 11.6% |
| 35 to 39 years old | 5.1% | 6.5% |
-
I am no statistician - but, I am pretty confident this data suggests: they younger you are (twenties and above), the more likely you are to want a divorce. You decide why...
Interesting statistics on marriage and divorce in the United States of America:
- There were approximately 2,230,000 marriages in 2005 which was bit less as compared to the figure of 2,279,000 in 2004. During 2004 and 2005, there was an increase of 2.9 million in total population.
- The marriage breakup rate in 2005 (per 1,000 people) was 3.6 which was the lowest rate since 1970.
- The highest rate was at 5.3 in the year 1981.
- The marriage rate in 2005 (per 1,000) was 7.5 which was 7.8 in the previous year.
- In 2004, the state with the highest reported marriage breakup rate was Nevada. The rate in Nevada was 6.4 (per 1,000).
In 2004, the District of Columbia was the state with lowest reported rate, at 1.7. - As of 2003, 43.7% of custodial mothers and 56.2% of custodial fathers were either separated or divorced.
- In 2002, 7.8 million Americans paid about $40 billion in child and/or spousal support.
- In 2002, the percentage of married people who reach their 5th, 10th, and 15th anniversaries are 82%, 65% and 52% respectively.
- Percentage of married people who reach their 25th, 35th, and 50th anniversaries are 33%, 20% and 5% respectively.
- Average length of divorce proceedings in America is one year.
*All this information was obtained from: http://www.divorcestatistics.info/divorce-statistics-and-divorce-rate-in-the-usa.html
Point Being: Be careful. Don't rush into anything. Don't just follow the 'trend'... and do whats best for you.
At the end of the day:
Marriage isn't about a race down the aisle...
.... it's about whose the happiest, and who stays together the longest.
(It's all about quality.)
Xo.
DSB
P.S. -- Look for my interview of a 'frequent flyer' of the online dating scene!
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Adding a little laughter to a serious sport.... And my love for T. Daley!
How Hilarious This AMAZING Sport Is! <---- Get ready to LOL!
(Please review... hehe)
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NOW (for your (well, my) pleasure)--
*This DOES NOT in any way mean that I do not think TOM DALEY is one of the hottest men in the whole Olympics... He's delicious! YUMMMMM... (Enjoy a few shots of him below...(hubba hubba!)
I am contemplating moving to London....
I hear he likes blondes...
.....and 'cougars' are really in these days.
A girl can dream, can't she?
Dear Ladies,
You're Welcome.
Xo.
DSB
(Please review... hehe)
------------
NOW (for your (well, my) pleasure)--
*This DOES NOT in any way mean that I do not think TOM DALEY is one of the hottest men in the whole Olympics... He's delicious! YUMMMMM... (Enjoy a few shots of him below...(hubba hubba!)
I am contemplating moving to London....
I hear he likes blondes...
.....and 'cougars' are really in these days.
A girl can dream, can't she?
Dear Ladies,
You're Welcome.
Xo.
DSB
One Quick Note
As I sat at "Trivia Night" tonight (well, actually the after trivia night) I was somehow (pleasantly) asked about how I feel about body hair (after looking at the Gymnastic Men's team from China; and their strangely prepubescent-like bodies...(almost hairless as could be!---(maybe I should move to China????) )... Anyway - As we all know, I have a lot to say about the subject.... as I discussed I came upon a new Call to action Statement:
You're welcome..
.......pass on the good word.
(If I can change the life of one girl with a long/thick (but blonde) unwanted mustache, I have done my job)
Xo.
DSB
"If you think you need to bleach it,
you probably should wax it."
You're welcome..
.......pass on the good word.
(If I can change the life of one girl with a long/thick (but blonde) unwanted mustache, I have done my job)
Xo.
DSB
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