I am not sure when it happened (?)
It was most probably before I was born (just because I don't actually remember it being significantly different).
When did it become socially appropriate (almost expected) for guys to be major assholes; immature, childish, immoral, manipulative, and still be respected?
Blame it on whomever you want: Carrie Bradsaw, Nicholas Sparks, Prince William, Walt Disney, Candace Bushnell, Stephanie Meyer, Christian Grey, Sylvia Day, Mikael Blomkvist (my personal favorite), Ice-T, "The Hunger Games", John F. Kennedy, or your Grandmother -- whomever; They are all f*cking liars. These authors, writers, or celebrities give you these false sense of hope. They allow you to daydream that (maybe,) eventually, (after countless attempts,) you might meet a guy (a bad-ass, super-hot, sexy-dude), there will be sparks. As the two of you continue to spend time together he realizes he *loves you*. HE CHANGES. He gives up all his asshole attributes, he shows his emotions, he'll cancel on his friends for you, he doesn't see other girls, he'll run to walgreens to buy you tampons, and picks up your birth control pills, he treats you like a queen, and he surprises you with things. YOU'RE THE ONE. He is no longer that asshole/jerk he used to be. YOU WILL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!
Yeah, well, nice dreaming kiddies!
(See below for the actual endings to some fictional characters)
It is never the easy.
Reflection: I have been reading a lot of books about Marilyn Monroe. She was beautiful, talented, sexy, and intelligent. She was very interested in, (and opinionated about) politics, and was worshiped by millions. Given all her talents you would think everything would have worked out for her. She would have had a successful movie career, earn a lot of her own money, get married, had kids, and eventually become a humanitarian. Lived out her life in Hollywood, and would die at the age of 90, surrounded by a ton of loving family, and buried in a mink coat, high heels, red lipstick, and covered in jewels.
SADLY, THIS WAS NOT THE CASE.
Norma Jean (aka - Marilyn Monroe) struggled with self-esteem issues, unhappy with her nose (which she supposedly had "fixed"), her body, and her talent; she slowly became someone she was not. She was married three times, all of them failed. She had countless affairs with extremely powerful men (hello there, Mr. President!), and they all used her, and tossed her to the curb. She suffered with a few miscarriages, and it is even believed she was forced to have an abortion (how could she possibly have the Attorney General's bastard fetus?). She died a sad, and tragic death; a declared "accidental suicide" from an overdose of pills for anxiety and depression. STORY SHORT: She never got her happy ending.
My Point Here:
We, as women, (myself absolutely included), accept a man's inability to grow up, inability to commit, manipulative behavior (s), because we believe that is what we are supposed to do - in the beginning - until they realize how special we are; in the hope that they will change into Mr. Prince Charming on their own.
Ladies, we are doing this all wrong.
If we don't put up with their shit in the beginning,
we won't have to worry about it ending.
It will never be a problem to start with.
If we are honest about this in the beginning, no one will end up getting hurt.
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OK - Now - Possible "True-Life" Endings (to humor me):
Carrie Bradshaw - "Sex and The City": In real life - Carrie would have never ended up with Big. She would have "settled" for someone else - and would occasionally have extra-marital affairs with Big, until, eventually he died a tragic death: in bed, screwing Carrie. He'd die of some kind of heart condition -- exasperated by his frequent and obsessive use of Viagra.
"The Hunger Games" - Peeta would have killed Katniss during the games, went home, became a hero, and eventually banged out her sister Prin.
"The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo": Blomkvist would have manipulated Lisbeth into marrying him, and made her pop out a few of his babies. She already knew too much to let her go, and, he could really use her hacking skills.
OK - Now - Here's a little bit of Irony:
Although this is not the "norm" for most Disney films, I gotta give props to Belle; from "Beauty and The Beast."
She was a pretty smart girl......
She was forced to live with a ugly, fat, hairy dude (let me tell you, I would DIE!.. YUCK...hair...).
She looked around, realized he lived in a palace.
She had no-one to compete with. (Who was her competition.. Miss Potts???)
Somehow with her wit, and charm, she made he realize she was pretty cool, and made him open
up.
In the end - she ended up with a studly prince, and lived out the rest of her life in a castle.
She should be a heroine to us all!
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Ladies...
Never settle.
Sometimes you need to forget how you feel....
And remember what you deserve.
Xo.
DSB
